Embracing Joy in Advocacy: How to Care for Yourself While Championing Change
Contribution by Kanika Bell, Ph.D.,
Licensed Psychologist,
A.T.L. Psychotherapy & Consulting Services, LLC
Women leaders face unique pressures
That’s a whole extra layer of pressure that’s not just unfair, it’s exhausting. And while we’re on the subject of exhaustion, leadership fatigue is all too real and it hits women leaders especially hard. We’re struggling with the burden of feeling responsible for outcomes—often ones that are beyond our control—while simultaneously carrying the enormous weight of representing our entire gender.
Add to this the frustrating reality that many people still associate leadership qualities with traditionally masculine traits and we’ve got a serious uphill battle for women leaders. This means we’re not just tackling our job responsibilities, we’re also constantly having to prove to our team that we are qualified and capable. It’s akin to running an obstacle race with extra hurdles our male competitors don’t have to jump. How many times have you personally witnessed a less-experienced, less-qualified man being chosen over a highly qualified woman (maybe even you) for a leadership role? It’s a stark reminder, even in 2025, of how far we still have to go to be seen as equal. Isn't it time we recognized and valued leadership based on actual skills and results, rather than outdated gender stereotypes? (We all know the answer to this rhetorical question, and so we persist.)
Finding joy in social change
Wheew. Okay, admittedly, we’ve just laid bare some of the greatest challenges women leaders face. But it’s not all doom and gloom. There's real potential for big changes in how our society thinks and acts. So, what ultimately keeps us and YOU going in the fight for social change? We’ve learned that chasing happiness in this work won’t cut it for the long haul. Happiness comes and goes. But joy? Joy is a whole different story. Joy is that deep-down feeling of satisfaction and contentment that reminds us of our purpose. It’s what lets us know in no uncertain terms that what we’re doing matters.
What we’re aiming for is this: to help you reconnect with your unique “why.” You know, that inner calling that got you into this work in the first place. We know too well that the cumulative stress, fear, and exhaustion from the daily grind can cloud your mind’s eye and temporarily make you lose sight of it. But it’s still there. Now is the time to lift your gaze from the immediate challenges—as real and frustrating as they are-–and focus on the bigger picture. What's the end game? What kind of world are you working towards? That's the vision that'll keep you going when things get tough. So yeah, we acknowledge that this road isn’t an easy one. But remembering why you're on it is where the real power and motivation lies.
Celebrating small victories
Now let's talk about something we often overlook—the power of small wins. Think back to any major achievement in your life. What stands out? More than likely it’s the celebratory end result, right? But that grand victory was built on a foundation of many smaller successes that we tend to dismiss or simply forget.
Take losing 100 pounds, for example. It sounds daunting when you look at the big number. But it all starts with that first pound. One. Single. Pound. It might not seem like much, but it's HUGE. It marks the beginning of an important change. When we’re fixated on the end goal it’s easy to brush off these smaller milestones: the first sentence of your dissertation or book, the first tiny leaf in what will become a lush garden. These moments matter. A lot. And they deserve to be celebrated.
Big changes, the kind that reshape societies, happen in small increments. If we only focus on "moving the mountain," we miss out on crucial opportunities. Each small win is a chance to recommit to our cause and refuel our motivation. It's these moments that keep us going when things get tough. So, let's start recognizing the small—but still very much sincere—victories. The journey is a vital part of achieving our goals. Each step we make is proof of progress, and that our efforts are paying off. Remember, when you’re moving mountains, it’s important to raise a glass for the pebbles you shift along the way.
Practicing Gratitude
Understand that whatever brought you here is due to something special and unique about you. Take a moment to let this sink in and give yourself credit for all you do.
Try incorporating some (or why not all?) of these simple gratitude exercises into your regular routine:
1. Carve out time this week to hand write appreciation notes to team members for a job well done–regardless of the outcome of the immediate task. Be sure to recognize yourself, too, with a special treat.
2. Find ways to model gratitude publicly. Kick off your Monday morning team meetings with what you are grateful for (and ask others to share as well) and watch productivity and commitment in everyone increase.
a. When expressing gratitude to team members, be sure to express gratitude for the person, not just their performance. Feeling reduced to just our productivity or successes makes this work even more difficult!
b. Make your workspace psychologically safer. Create a comfortable place for people to express themselves genuinely by responding to open communication with grateful words.
c. Consider carving out a physical space for gratitude at work. Make a bulletin board or decorate a “thank you” box (this can be done virtually too) where team members can leave shout outs as reminders that their efforts are not in vain.
3. Start or end each day with a gratitude affirmation. Write it down and make sure it’s visible from your work desk.
Fostering resilience through joy
Here we are again, talking about resilience. It's become quite the buzzword so we need to be especially careful about how we define it. Otherwise it could end up adding to the weight of the burdens that we're already carrying.
A semi-radical scheduling experiment
Flip your calendar on its head and find joy in the process! Here's your challenge:
1. Identify your joy-sparking activities. That pottery class you love? Put it on the calendar first. (Just trust us here.)
2. Next, add in essential family time and personal care.
3. Now, slot in work commitments and other obligations around these priorities.
4. If this feels too bold, try putting joy in second or third place – anything but last!
Why do this? By prioritizing what brings you happiness, the more you’re likely to maintain balance and resilience in the face of stress. Ready to shake up your schedule? Give it a try for a week and see how it transforms your energy and outlook. Your future self might thank you for this small but powerful shift!
When we talk about resilience we don’t mean gritting your teeth and bearing it. Or silencing your outrage over real issues. True resilience means that the people, policies, things that are trying to knock you down don't succeed. It's about staying on your feet, not about pretending you didn't get hit. But here's where things can go sideways. Some leaders, in their quest to appear "resilient," fall into unhealthy and unproductive habits:
1. Toxic positivity: Having a "good vibes only" policy isn’t realistic–or authentic. It’s important to acknowledge all your emotions, not just the sunny ones.
2. Ignoring systemic issues: Excusing “isms” isn't healthy coping, it's avoidance. True resilience is having the guts to push for change, not just putting up with the status quo.
3. Self-blame: There's a myth that we need to instantly bounce back from setbacks. We all need time to recover—even high-achieving superstars like you.
4. No boundaries: It’s okay to say no. Setting strong, healthy boundaries, disagreeing, and knowing when to step back is resilience in action.
5. Pushing too hard: Burning yourself out isn’t just self-destructive, it’s destabilizing for your team, and may even undermine the work of your organization. Know when to take a break and recharge.
Our goal is to help you build a resilience that's authentic to you. One that's about sustaining joy and finding hope, not just enduring pain. One that helps you rediscover the pleasure in your advocacy work and your community connections. It's about building a resilience that doesn't just help you survive, but genuinely thrive.
Create resilience accountability
We create accountability groups for fitness or career goals, so why not for building resilience? Here's how to get started:
1. Identify your resilience weak spots. Are you overcommitting? Struggling to say no?
2. Recruit your team. Look for friends or colleagues who are superstars at setting boundaries or managing stress.
3. Share your calendar with someone you trust. Ask them to review it for overcommitment red flags.
4. Schedule regular check-ins. Use this time to reflect on how well you're maintaining your boundaries.
5. Choose an accountability partner who's a pro at saying "No." Ask them to help coach you on turning down requests that don't align with your priorities.
6. Be open to feedback. Your team is there to support you, so listen to their constructive feedback.
Remember, building resilience is a team sport. Who will you draft for your resilience squad? Get ready to flex those boundary-setting muscles and boost your resilience together!
Coming Soon
*Adapted from Kessle, David, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, Workbook: Chapter 1; Where Loss Leaves you, New York, Scribner, 2024.
We’re in this together
Traumatic events can really shake us up, making us feel unsafe or on edge. But we don't have to stay stuck in high-alert mode. Learning to handle stress better—and even thrive in challenging situations—is about finding that sweet spot where we're not bottling up our emotions, and not getting overwhelmed by them either. Connecting with our community can also be a huge source of strength and stability, enabling us to find creative solutions to problems that might seem too big to tackle alone.
As we move through these pivotal first 100 days of the election cycle, we’re here to support you. Together, we believe we can create a stronger, brighter future, no matter what this election brings.
Here’s what’s coming up in Part 2 (live on Tuesday, November 12, 2024!) where we’ll be focusing on the tumultuous first few weeks following the election.
Some of the topics include:
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How complex trauma impacts emotional health
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Tolerating uncertainty in uncertain times
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Strengthening emotional intelligence
We’re also adding a few journaling prompts and other exercises (what we’re calling “Practice for Progress”) for anyone who wants to take a deeper dive.
In the meantime, if you have any questions about this guide or want to explore working together, one-on-one, or within your organization, please email: contactus@jenayhicks.com.
Coming Nov. 12, 2024
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